Whoever you are, wherever you are, HOLD ON. #Encouragement

A couple of months ago I had a short interview with a close family friend who was writing a book on healing after painful experiences. He wanted to know how long it took for me to be healed and how I went about reaching that place of healing.  My response was something like this:

I can’t really put a number on it.  I’d love to think that I am 100% healed from x, y, and z, but the truth of the matter is, maybe just x and y…or honestly, maybe 80% of all three ha.  I don’t know.  Once you think you’re good, you undergo spontaneous triggers by something big or small…a month later…a year later…maybe even 3 years later (to each it’s own).

These triggers remind you, and may leave you disappointed or annoyed by the realization that dang, there’s still residue.  Dang.  There is still some healing, maybe even lots of healing left to be done.  In my experience, from one trigger to the next, disappointment came when I misunderstood what not being completely healed really meant.  I thought it was bad, but now I know that when you are willing to heal, the fact that you are not completely healed of something simply means that God isn’t done, not that we aren’t ready for ____________.  So, if you’re triggered by something that reminds you that you still need grace and humility, and reminds you that you’re still a human who needs God, then good!  We were created to need Him.  You are not delayed in meeting, reaching, or receiving what God has for you.  That my friend, is a lie from the enemy!

rootsOne must get uncomfortable enough to deal with the roots.  One must  get uncomfortable enough to allow God to dig beneath the messy surface where the beginning of your issues and pain lie.

In order to heal properly, you have to deal (with the pain) properly.” – Nu 

If you’re on the path to healing, then you know that you get those full circle, déjà vu, divine do-over moments when _____________________ happens again.  Except this time it doesn’t make you angry, it doesn’t make you cry, and it shockingly doesn’t affect you the way it has in the past.  You figuratively (or literally if you’re like me) leap in joy at the felt sense of accomplishment that you have finally, at last have been stamped by the Lord as “Healed!”.  Not!

I believe us earthlings (ha!) are never completely healed of any worldly ailments until we leave this world and enter into our true destination…Heaven.  Ahhh…The beautiful place of no pain, sorrow, or frustration…just love and fruits – my fave! 😉  We should know though, that while here on earth…

godlovesyou

“…neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” – Romans 8:38-39 (NIV)

I am convinced that healing is ongoing and not to be consistently associated with readiness for something new.  God is not a God that withholds good things from people who love and obey Him.

“For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.” – Psalm 84:11 (ESV)

Whoever you are, wherever you are, HOLD ON.  You may not be 100% healed from x, y, and z, I don’t know, but we should certainly celebrate the fact that we’re making progress.  My heart personally smiles when I understand me better than I did yesterday.  It gives me a better shot at understanding you.  By faith I am healed, today, tomorrow, and forever.  I am pleased with me and He, from whom my help comes…as should you.  So stay blessed, be encouraged, and HOLD ON!  Love you.

xo,
Nu

Naturally Me. #NaturalHair #TeamNatural

Over the years I’ve been asked so many inquisitive questions about my hair and natural way of living. People want to know when it all started, why it all started, and how I keep it going.  For too long I’ve thought that with all of these naturals sprouting up my story isn’t needed, but I realize that there’s only one me that someone can identify with and that me, is the only one who can tell my story appropriately. Let be start by saying this…

For years African-American women have had complexes about their hair. At young ages we began relaxing (or “perming” — a culturally misused synonymic) our hair to make it more manageable or presentable (whatever that means) to our counterparts. Straight was deemed as better. Hang time a bonus. I began thinking about my hair and realizing that I knew nothing about its natural state. I was the girl constantly relaxing my hair and making appointments to relax everybody elses smh.

While studying Business at SDSU (Woot! Woot!), I took an Africana Studies course to fulfill a prerequisite and quickly fell in love with the subject.  Every day I went to class I felt like I was learning something new about me, and low-key upset with the timing (but it’s all good).  You can imagine how easy it was for that 1 course to turn into 2, 3, 4, 5…and before I knew it, I was minoring in Africana Studies. I developed a strong sense of pride for my heritage, but more importantly, a strong understanding and appreciation for all who have gone before me.  I was disturbed with an overflow of facts.  I was a free-spirit learning the depth of my people’s bondage; my bondage.  I was disturbed that they couldn’t freely be themselves in allll fashions and realized the area of hair was still one lingering.  I wanted to express my freedom and love me, inside and out.  I wanted to know how Nu’s hair looked.  I wanted to know if Nu needed that creamy crack (aka relaxer).  I wanted to show other races who has been in their presence all along, and who’s not leaving.  And so, in 2005, I decided to “go natural”. I didn’t big chop, I just transitioned, straightened, rocked braids, etc…and the struggle was reaaaaal! 😉

I battled the doubts, the dandruff, the tangles, the breakage all by my lonesome. Then 4 years later, there were others like me, learning their hair and calling it naturally beautiful. I was excited for us all.  But shoot, it’s about time y’all showed up! haha

Most naturals you meet will tell you that once you become serious about your “natural hair journey”, as many will call it, the journey at some point no longer becomes about hair, but about your health.  That same energy is transferred throughout all parts of your life.  If you can stay up late and twist, invest in products to maintain, then maybe you can stay up late and work out that issue with your spouse too.  But I’m just saying!

So yea, that’s pretty much it.  Today, I still can’t braid, I still don’t know it all, and I’m still learning as I go, but I’m free, and enjoying every minute of it, naturally…me.

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Funk; Four Weddings & 5 Stages #Grief

Hey there lovas! I missed ya! It feels good to be back, writing, and doing what I love…sharing a little bit of me in hopes of connecting with even a few of you in some sort of way.  For the record, I’m still under construction, and will be for the rest of my life (S/O to my bff for that reminder haha).  That being said today is as good as tomorrow to talk about well, whatever.  Let’s do it. YOLO!! Lol.

As you know, I’m on the Westsiiiide…and I was in a major funk upon arrival (check the archive and see for yourself).  Since then, I’ve figuratively lit some candles, sprayed some air freshener and have molded my thizz face into a pretty darn good smile.

Lately the Lord has been really dealing with me about unrealistic expectations; a huge recipe for disappointment (that’s a separate blog in itself).  To keep a long story short, I’ve quickly learned that basically no one can be Jesus for me, but Jesus.  I’m imperfect and so is everybody else.  Jesus is the only one who can fill those voids that we all have and it’s unfair to expect anyone else to do His job.  Those voids are there by purpose for a purpose.

The greatest thing about this season is what the Lord has been showing me about myself. Stuff that I was truly unaware of and really disappointed and hard on myself about once learned.  Even though I was disappointed, He wasn’t, because He knows our hearts.  I was and am always striving to be a better me (a lifetime heart desire) and He was helping me do just that.  So, I repented and accepted His grace for the gajillionth time.  Sooo humbling yo!  I’m so appreciative and feel so loved when He corrects me.  He does it right.  Chastisement is definitely a good thing sometimes.

During this process of, let’s call it “dealership” ha…I happened to be watching this show on TLC called Four Weddings.  If you haven’t heard of it, it’s basically a competitive show where four brides attend each others’ weddings, rate them in categories, and the winning bride (and groom) enjoy a  honeymoon to a surprise destination.  One day I was watching it and one of the brides who lost spoke of her disappointment afterwards.  She casually yet honestly said something like, “There’s 5 stages of grief, right? I’d say I’m in the anger stage”. *gasp* That was it!  I googled it — 5 stages of grief:

1) Denial & Isolation
2) Anger
3) Bargaining
4) Depression
5) Acceptance

I was grieving.  Shoooot, I was grieving things I didn’t even know that I needed to grieve!  But, understanding these stages gave me hope and really drove me.  I could do something with my new found knowledge (Hosea 4:6) and about my temporary situation.  I could pray better, I could be better.  I was and am determined.  My armor had gotten oiled and I had some extra fuel for the fight. Y’all ain’t ready!!  haha

For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, says the Lord.” – Isaiah 55:8

I love how spontaneously the Holy Spirit ministers to God’s children and how there’s no defined or uniform way that he speaks and that we (individuals) in turn, hear.  Yes, even on the couch!  Try God.  Invite Him to sit next to you.  Like me, 4 Weddings & 5 stages can rescue you out of a funk. (you get me!).  Receive it.  Believe it.

He who has ears to hear, let him be listening and let him consider and perceive and comprehend by hearing. – Matt 11:15

Keep prayin’ for a sista!  Love Love Love you!

[Enter title here] #Transition

This morning I actually did cry out of frustration. Ay yi yi…enough with the ups and downs already! This is weird. I promise I’m not pregnant.

I’m realizing that some topics are sensitive for me and so, off limits with me or very limited in discussion and that’s depending on the person — geesh. I’m annoying myself! I’m introverted remember, so I’m pretty much telling you all of the stuff that isn’t bursting out! Besides that “Hell No!” from last week of course, ha. But yea…

I’ve been slowly unpacking boxes (not all of them), and my mom makes a chipper comment followed by a smile, “Uh oh, the boxes are shrinking down!” I was instantly annoyed. I know she’s happy, but I don’t wanna hear that. I am in no way thrilled that the boxes are shrinking down lol. In fact, I would love it if I didn’t have to open any of them so that when I get the green light to exit this casa I’m ready to go lol. On a lighter note, Ladybug has arrived and has made me smile. Maybe it’s ’cause it’s like a big mobile souvenir of a life I was proud and working great at prior to interruption. My dad drove it and said it drove great and could probably make it just fine driving across country. My eyes lit up. Don’t test me Paw!! haha. Anyway…

Besides the adjustment with that. I’ve been upset about a few things. I’m appalled that some things just have not changed. Things that are long overdue yo! Not in the city (the city has actually changed a lot – it’s what cities do), but some of the people, not so much. The ones that have, it’s so beautiful and makes me feel good about moving somewhere else (like they’ll be okay), but the ones that haven’t make me wanna vomit. I’m tired of the same ‘ol same ‘ol issues and behaviors. It’s like while I was gone and growing and changing, homie what the heck were you doing over here?! Moving and shaking so you wouldn’t have to think about what it is you know you needed to do?! Just going through the motions?? Are you gonna be the same way next year?! I’m hoping they were growing and changing in ways I hadn’t yet noticed. I’m hoping. It sure doesn’t seem like it though.

It makes me think of when Jesus said…

He who receives you receives me, and he who receives me receives the one who sent me. – Matt. 10:40

Maybe that’s why the Lord moved me to the east coast…some of the people here on the west (not all of them) weren’t receiving me (or all of me) and so the Lord saw it fit to move me to a place where they would. Where I was both needed and received and in the process multi-tasked and did some miracles of a work in me as well; typical. I’m just thinking. Maybe some of those west coast peeps are ready now and I’m better prepared to reach them in a way I couldn’t before. I’m kind of an outsider now. I don’t really feel like I belong, and I’m seeing some things that I didn’t see before. Who knows, but I know my God is a God of second and fifth chances, He’ll sometimes do and allow anything to happen to win a soul…and one is worth much, and well, He loves me.

Hell No! #Respect #Boldness #Profanity

It’s nearly 4:45 p.m. (PST) and I’m waiting for my car to ship between the hours of 1-4 p.m. …ha! I know -__-

Any way…

I just popped in to tell you that I’m surprising myself lately.  I’m bolder, more assertive.  It’s like it was always in me but something about this move is making it finally rise to the surface.  I can dig it.  I can dig it, forever.  Let me give you an example…

The other day I asked to borrow my mom’s car…she let me and as I was heading out the door and saying “see ya later” to everyone, my dad jokingly asked, “Well, aren’t you gonna ask me if you can go somewhere?” I laughed and jokingly belted out a “Hell No!”.  Hahahaha…I’m laughing all over again as I re-tell the story.   It’s funny for a couple of reasons.  1) It was awkwardly uncalled for (I ended up telling a story afterwards in attempt to make it less awkward before heading out LOL..ay yi yi) and 2) Because if you know me, I’m not really one to curse and so when I do it’s usually hilarious or shocking…I’d have to categorize this as weird.

The thing is, I know, and someone else in the room could have very well recognized that that statement came from somewhere deep within.  I wasn’t trying to be disrespectful (and they know me well enough to know that), but…it kinda was.  I don’t care how old I get, when my dad or any elder asks me something, I do not plan on responding “Hell No!” lol.  Nonetheless, I am indeed grateful for that moment.  It feels good to be me.  It feels good to say no, and well, “Hell No!” It weaseled in and set a tone like no other.  I am really feelin’ this gift of holy boldness and I’m certain that I’m gonna need this me for the path that I’m on. Give me a couple of months, and I’ll have it all balanced and under control.

Continue to lift me up!  Until then, I might just yell “Hell No!” to a checker asking me if I’d like paper or plastic simply because I can and don’t want either one.  Oh wait, they only ask that in Virginia :(..waaah!

Just kidding 🙂 (about the crying part)

 

#Wanted

Good morning lovas 🙂

You know what the beauty in yesterday and today is throughout this transition?  (Ha, I say throughout like I’m months in or something – It really did began before the actual move though).  Anyway, the beauty —  other than the fact that I’m making great progress  and truly feel the prayers of people lifting me up (thank you If you are one), I’m wanted. That is the great blessing that I’m choosing to recognize today.

I have to be me, so that If you don’t love me, I’ll agree.

Although I was in a funk about being here, everyone around me has welcomed me back into their lives with open arms and seriously could not wait until I returned.  Now, I do know my worth, but honestly, a part of me can not quite put my finger on why or what I’ve done exactly (other than being me) to make them love me so much, but I appreciate it, love them back, and had to stop and say thank you Lord that I am wanted.  What did I say or do before I left? Hmm.  I may not be wanted everywhere or by everyone I’d like to be wanted by, or even in the way that I desire to be wanted, but I am wanted here, and here is where I am called to be for such a time as this.  I had to repent ya know, although I have a right to feel what I feel…I was a  little snippy with God and who am I to question my creator?  He was like hold up, wait a minute little girl lol…feel how you feel but don’t.get.cra-zy! I got this just like I had that.  Did we forget already? ha.

This transition could definitely be worse. It’s for my good.

I heard and was reminded last night that there’s no way that we can have a genuine appreciation for a good day without having some bad ones.  I’m sure it seems like I never have a bad day.  Key word: seems.  But I most certainly do, I’m just generally optimistic and usually the person in my relationships who listens and encourages people through their bad days which somehow in the midst works in my favor and ends up encouraging myself.  I also have the most amazing bff who is absolutely excellent at reading me – such a beautifully honest friend, prayer partner, checker (she calls it how she sees it); She is the epitome of iron that sharpens iron.  She’s got plenty of years under her belt though so I really can’t compare anyone to her Gold Member status (ha).  I keep telling her she needs to write a manual for my husband-to-be, fa real! That would probably be the best wedding gift ever. Well, If he reads it lol.

The good in today, this present time, was that there was bad in yesterday, a past time, that led me to gratitude.  The good in today, and hopefully tomorrow, a future time, is that I’m loved and I’m wanted.  So, like many days I pray, Lord, If I don’t get anything else accomplished today, help me to love and still, I will have accomplished much.

Not Okay. #Transition

I’m not okay.

I’m on day 2 of my obedient move back to the west coast and I don’t want to be here. You’d think I’d be all cried out by now, but nope…not just yet 😥 Gosh. I’m struggling big time with this and I’m in need of some serious healing (and prayer please). I’m upset, heartbroken, and my will is bruised. Don’t get me wrong, I love love love all of my family and friends here. Everyone’s very happy to see me and have me back. It’s good to see them too. I just want to visit that’s all…I don’t want to stay. Arggh…why am I here?! I just want to be left alone. I feel miserable and I don’t want company (ha). Just being honest.

This is not okay, God. I am not okay! This is your will, so you gotta help me be at peace with all of this. I’m not. Please fix this or me…I’m good with either one.

I have so many thoughts…hopes…questions…a whole lotta …”but you said..” and “you showed me, so…” *sigh*. I feel like for whatever purpose the Lord has me here (on assignment, for growth, healing, all of the above, or whatever)  I just need to hurry up, jump on board and get it over with so I can get back to my happy place wherever the heck that is! (It should be anywhere…smh). All that must sound so horrible, I know. Maybe not the best attitude either, but it’s the truth and that I believe is always okay. I feel how I feel *shrugs shoulders*.

Today a friend on facebook shared that…

“Everyday may not be a good day, but there’s good in every day.”

Praise God for that! So I’m determined to find the good in every day and rejoice in it.

This was good about my day today:

I woke up. I had a wonderful breakfast. The weather was absolutely gorgeous. I relaxed with a close friend at the marina. I was comforted by someone I use to comfort (and somehow it was sweeter for that very reason). I made a friend smile on her birthday. I saved $2 at the store (lol). Someone bought me lunch. I saw some of the harvest from seeds I had sown long ago and forgotten about – amazing!

After writing that, I feel kind of silly complaining and focusing on the bad (some of you are probably thinking…”As you should!”). Dag, I’m blessed. But when we go through situations they seem to be magnified and cloud out other things going on.

There was tons of good in today. I’m still not okay (but I trust I will be). I’m just glad that the good in tomorrow is definite.

“I will recount the steadfastness love of the Lord, the praise of the Lord, according to all that the Lord has granted us…” – Isaiah 63:7 (ESV)