prayer

There is something about nighttime. #GoodMourning #Poetry #Grief #Sorrow

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I’ve smiled every day since I remembered you were here
But then long after sunset
my eyes shed a tear

There is something about nighttime.

I’ve laughed many moments before the high tide of darkness arrived until, “Bam!”, the news…

was prescribed
I sighed
before I cried
and denied
then realized that…

There is something about nighttime.

I thought you were just dancing to the beat of a hip, fast song
But all this time, the lights were dim,
And I was totally wrong.

Man.

When I prayed for your fire
And I prayed for your faith,
I had no idea how much was at stake
Believe me when I say, I knew
not at all that…
ashes would await.

Gosh.

Lord, you said that joy cometh in the morning but for all of us, I am requesting an exception for tonight. Because…

There is something about nighttime.

©2013 • Chan’tel Nikole Grayson

#Prayer in #Secret.

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Hello loves!  I’m still here…I think lol.  I’m doing well…really well, and I’m just at peace, grateful, and ready for ______________.  This Esther time of preparation is doing me good.

Lately I’ve just been writing as I feel led (same as before), and it just so happens to be less.  I keep wondering hmm..is this blog season thingamabobby over, Lord?  Eh, I don’t know.  I doubt it.  But I’m just gonna keep going with the flow.  I guess I’m just using my mouth a lot more these days — surprise surprise!

Even though I’m speaking up more, I still enjoy those quiet moments where I can be “undercover” and behind the scenes.  So, I wanted to share this quote I heard that gives you a bit of insight into me.  I heard it from someone who heard it from someone who probably heard it from their momma…or someone 🙂

“The secret to prayer is praying in secret”.

Story of my life.  I pray for the random lady, guy, kid I saw.  I prayed for you about ________, and you never knew it.  It’s because I love you and I can express it well through prayer.  Sometimes my secret prayer is mute, covered in tears, and even then the Lord honors it because the matter of the heart is all that matters.

Read 1 Peter 3:4

Love you.

My Own Place.

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For the longest I’ve wanted my own place… A place to call my own.  No roommate, just me.  My own kitchen to clean up or dirty up, to cook up everything or nothing at all and try out all of The Divine Hostess’ fabulous recipes hehe.  A place to entertain loved ones and make them feel at home away from home.  A place to blast music and dance naked (yea, I said it) and bring sexy back like no tomorrow.  Or really…just a cozy blessed environment for your achy breaky heart.  Come over for a hug, a laugh, a movie, a chat, a meal, prayer…but call first (lol).  My very own place that I earned, I paid for, and I’m proud of…even if there is nothing in it.

Until recently (last year) the Lord finally gave me revelation that wherever I go, He will make sure that I always have my own place. Yes!  I was happy.  But then I started thinking wait, what does that mean??  haha.

For the longest I’ve wanted my own place… but to be perfectly honest, I don’t think the Lord ever wants me to live alone. Ha…I think He knows I’d like it too much.  I’d get comfortable and use to things being my way and when the time came to share a space with someone else, a spouse perhaps, I might not be as successful as I’d like in compromising and changing my bachelorette mentality.  He wants me around people.  While I love people, I do love my alone time and I get quite antsy when I’m deprived of it. I’m a thinker and pray-er for goodness sake!  I like to read, write, listen, meditate and often in pure silence.  I need that sanctuary.

Any way…I still don’t have my own place and in fact, after much prayer and going back and forth with the Lord, I have surrendered to His plan for me in many different ways lately, the most recent being to move back to the West Coast with my family (not in my own place) for such a time as this.  I feel like I’m just returning to headquarters or the corporate office for a bit to recharge before my next “earth camp adventure” (as one of my spiritual mothers calls it).  Don’t ask me where, I have no idea.  But, I’m open and I’ll keep ya posted.

This is ministry. My ministry.

The hardest thing about this type of ministry or missionary work is leaving.  As soon we get comfortable and our “work is done”, the Lord moves us *tears*.  As soon as we meet people that we want to be in our lives forever *tears* He takes them or us away. It hurts so badly. It’s like jerking people apart in mid-hug.  I wasn’t ready for it this time.  I wasn’t ready for it.  It’s hard to give answers to questions that you don’t have the answers to yourself.  Then to top it off, the enemy tries to harass you with lies and guilt and make you feel bad about following God’s will and reminds you of all the people you’re hurting in choosing this way.  He knows your gifts too and jumps at the opportunity to capitalize on them.  But, whatever.  I’m choosing God’s way and my mind is made up.  Can you see the struggle though? *shrugs shoulders* That’s where I am.

In the spirit realm, when we down here don’t release someone in our hearts, when we don’t free them or support them in doing what God wants to do in their lives, a struggle can arise. The flow of The Holy Spirit is interrupted for justifiably selfish reasons and things don’t sail as smooth. We move forward with an easy pass but still have to stop and pay tolls. We move forward with a rock stuck in our skates. We move forward wearing heavy snow boots in no snow. Just help us out; release us.

I feel myself wanting to ramble, so I’m gonna be wise and wrap it up.

I just hope and pray that the Lord would at least allow my distance to not disconnect.  That the love I’ve found in all of these relationships will remain mutual, and that we can always be a positive something that looks forward to catching up, swapping stories, and seeing each other again.

So in obedience…I count down the days.

I very much believe that Father knows best so forever I will roll with and agree with His perspective.  For now, “I’m okay” awaiting to be “great”….and I still want my own place LOL. Just being honest.

> In the Middle < #Relationships

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Have you ever been seemingly stuck in the middle of something? Something that probably doesn’t even have to do with you? Something which possibly affects you, but your name is not on but somebody (consciously or unconsciously) pencils you in as a volunteer? Yea, believe me, it can whomp.

Once upon a time, in elementary school, I was a conflict manager on the playground. I must have been in like 5th grade. I had a fancy vest, clipboard and all. Got a conflict? I was your gal! Resolving petty issues which seemed large at the time. When the bell rang and everyone had to freeze, who didn’t? That’s right, me! Why? cuz I was the Conflict Manager lol. So funny…I walked just because I could. While I wouldn’t call myself a conflict manager today, I would say that I definitely still possess those qualities that would make me a good one and are beneficial to my relationships.

“As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.” – Proverbs 27:17

True, but never should us partaking in sharpening iron and the countenance of our friends be detrimental to ourselves and jack up our own countenance. I doubt that was God’s intention. It shouldn’t be an inappropriate exchange when our motives are right. I think He’d desire for both of our countenances to be dazzling (lol, dazzling). That’s just my thought.

The enemy is constantly trying to pervert the word of God and all ways of doing right. So many times we’re unconsciously erred in our ways for various of reasons. This is why I love the beginning of Hosea 4:6 (My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge). We hurt ourselves and each other simply because we do not know, or share for that matter. We’re not called to be hoarders.

Back in the day I had an acquaintance who’d call and vent – that’s fine, us friends need to do that sometimes (I know I do!). But in all actuality, that was the only time we’d talk, and she’d dump a load of problems (unintentionally). I’d receive it and feel like crap (unintentionally) and she’d feel great and skip on her merry little way. Do you see where I was inappropriate? The bible says, “You shall have no other gods before Me. -Exodus 20:3

He’s God, I am not. It is never our position to fulfill His role and “get in the way”. I had to learn how to give her problems to Him and show her as I showed myself that He’s the source and I can’t save the day. I begin praying for myself and asking God what he wants me to hear and say in this conversation. Asking him to prepare me before the conversation, and truly surrendering it all. If the Lord wants me to be an awesome iron, by golly I’m gonna seek Him and ask Him to show me how to be the best darn iron that I can be…and I encourage you to do the same.

Have a wonderful weekend lovers – remember our Savior!

To Pray or Not to Pray #Prayer

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Warning: This post is longer than long. READ 🙂

A lot has been going on with me (internally), and if you haven’t noticed, well, I haven’t been writing about it ha. I really don’t know where to begin or if to begin for that matter, so…

This is what I’m going to talk about TODAY — today, I’m talking to Christians. Today, I’m talking to Christians who like me have been brought up in church all of their lives. Christians who rarely missed a Sunday. Christians who have consciously or unconsciously grown accustom to thinking and doing things a certain way, lawfully (religiously) and would dare not do it any other way ’cause that’s just not what you’re supposed to do, right? The Lord don’t like ugly. Now I’m not mocking, ’cause really, I’m talking to us. I’m just grateful to have come to an understanding that all of that extra has nothing to do with me and my relationship with the Lord. That a lot of those practices and ways are not mandatory or even necessary to enter the kingdom of God or get a “Well done my good and faithful servant”. That My God, who knows me better than I know myself and HAS ME, has no problem with me not doing some or any of those things — people do. We have are own preferences (some for great reason) that we sometimes impose on others.

There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law could not do in that it was weak through the flesh, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, on account of sin: He condemned sin in the flesh. -Romans 8:1-3

There is no reason for you, or me to be bound to anything. For whom the son sets free, is free indeed (John 8:36). Now don’t get all crazy, analogically speaking, I’m just saying, gon’ and wear your white after labor day lol.

Let me share this:
We are spirits with souls living in a body, right? So when prayers are prayed that align with the will of God and the Holy Spirit, everything (internally), within are spirit is smooth and in agreement. When prayers go up and others things go on that don’t align with the will of God (or the person — ’cause free will is a gift that God has given us), and are prayed selfishly to control, curses spoken, etc. things get knocked off. Everyday we’re all in spiritual warfare. In heaven, right now, there are wars going on and being fought on your behalf and when we offer up prayers that allign with the will of GOD and not our own or others, it assists those angels in waging these wars leading to victory. Or, at least minimizes the length of said wars (stay with me). Woot! Woot! Team Jesus!

The Holy Spirit dwelling inside often moves me to do or not do certain things but daggonit that condemning stronghold of a religious spirit surrounding me (us!) or just really from our own upbringing attempts to keep us bound to _______________.

“Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.” – Galations 5:1

So based on what I’ve been experiencing and feeling I ask this of you: Will you be mindful of what you pray and why you pray it? Ask, Who is it for? You or them? Is it what you want for them? Is it something they want for themselves? Better yet, ask the Lord. Let’s try not to do things we have no business doing. It doesn’t matter whether they mean well or not. THAT is why I’m ticked off. It’s controlling. When we do that concisously or unconsciously we operate under a spirit of witchcraft. I know that the last thing I wanna do. It’s hard enough striving to stay free without someone praying to keep me bound ha…help a sista out, dag. Just stay on my side. You can never go wrong with simply praying for God’s will to be done.

Ooh I got a lil example. I recently had the opportunity to pray for a friend. In that prayer it was my will to pray specifically for certain things that seemed like they should be prayed and would “fix it”, but as I was praying I felt the resistance of the Holy Spirit to do so. Our obedience and sensitivity to the Holy Spirit and how the spirit operates is crucial to our well being and way of life. I trust that the Lord has a plan and knows what He’s doing (or leading me to do) and why. Since I do trust Him, He’s probably the only one I’m ok with not questioning and feeling the need to know why. It hasn’t always been that way, He’s definitely proven himself faithful and does great at making me feel secure. Excellent track record, My God.

To Pray or Not to Pray? That is the question!
My answer would be definitely pray without ceasing (1 Thess. 5:17), and definitely pray about prayer. Annd…definitely cease praying what I’m gonna call “witchcraft prayers”.

Remember the scripture, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” – Proverbs 22:6? Well, I love it. What a wonderful guarantee. I’m in. I just hope that I can do this and do this well, and without all of the unnecessary extras, ya know? But, it starts with me…with us. So this is what I ask of you. Pray for my continuous freedom while I pray for yours. Meet ya on your knees 😉

On #Stage. # Lights # Camera #Action

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Good Morning motha lovas! I woke up this morning to dig in my word for a bit and ran across this scripture passage I had highlighted a while back that reminded me of a story. I’ll share it with you today.

1 Corinthians 8:9-13

“9) Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak. 10) For if anyone with a weak conscience sees you who have this knowledge eating in an idol’s temple, won’t he be emboldened to eat what has been sacrificed to idols? 11) So this weak brother, for whom Christ died, is destroyed by your knowledge. 12) When you sin against your brothers in this way and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ. 13) Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause him to fall.“

It’s not about us.

Now I know that the portion about the eating of the food and idols may be a little confusing to some. But, the bible is full of tons of literal and figurative analogies from long ago that remain lively applicable.

I’ll never forget when the Lord showed me this passage. I needed it. I asked Him for understanding, and BAM…He’s faithful, and gave me just that and more.

Before I share the story, let me say that I am a woman of God and believe in ALL of His principles and teachings and try my best to live a life of worship. This does not exclude the principle of tithing. I sung in the music ministry of the church I used to go to back home on the West Coast. Being in the music ministry, we were always on stage and seen and well, an example whether we wanted to be or not. Ha…the girl who likes to work behind the scenes is on stage???… and it’s televised. Ay yi yi! lol.

Anyway, we were on stage during offering as well and an usher would come on stage and go by and collect our offering envelopes. I never had one. I got looks of all sorts sometimes…confusion, condemnation, etc. Couldn’t read them all, but people were definitely thinking something, and I didn’t care. People probably thought how the heck is she blessed and she never tithes?! The preacher talks about it’s importance and she goes up there and sings and pours faith out into the atmosphere in this beautiful ministry, but doesn’t tithe?

I am definitely a tither. I gave online. The Pastor’s wife of the Music Ministry even pulled me aside one time and explained how we’re an example and I should tithe and stuff. I thought blah blah blah, I do, and possibly more than you. I was sure that this was coming from a religious perspective. Do as we do cuz this is what we do. I didn’t care what people thought. The Lord was definitely going to have to make sense of it. And, I’m grateful I had enough sense to ask Him to do so. I was sure He was gonna tell me I was right haha. But you know what, I was wrong.

He showed me that it wasn’t about caring what people thought – ’cause in all honesty, that is still true about me, I don’t care that often. But, it was about caring about the people. It was about realizing that “Helllooo!!”, I am an example and a representation of Christ Jesus. So, If being a representation means putting a dollar or 2 in an envelope for show in addition to my online giving/tithing so that my brother or sister out there trying to possibly get on my level and grasp this blessed principle can succeed without me causing them to fall, so be it. It’s a small thing.

It’s our duty to care for one another. I loooove freedom and hate the idea or feeling of being controlled by anyTHING. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m very comfortable with myself and simply knowing for myself that all I do or say is understood by me is often enough. <– did that even make sense?! Any way, I have to constantly think outside of me. If I do or don’t do this, who will it affect? Why am I resisting this? Should I be?

As Christians, in life, we stay on stage. I’m praying for our performance and I hope you do too cuz when it all comes down to it…

It’s not about us.