CARPE DIEM. #Mothers #Daughters

What the heck?! I don’t know what just came over me.  I just went to say goodbye to mom before she departs for a short business trip and I felt my eyes well up.  I’m so sad.  I miss her already.  I have really gotten used to spending time with her.  This precious, invaluable time.  She’s only gone for a bit, but I guess I’m just thinking about the near future.  Geesh.

move-forwardI’ll never forget the vision that I had when living on the East Coast.  Without going into too much detail I will just say that in it, my mom needed me and the Lord gave me an option to stay or go.  As usual, I said yes to God’s proposal and easier said than done, I moved back.  Let me tell you, moving forward mentally is way harder than moving forward physically.  Especially when your physical move is literally back! Haha.  It’s like, really Lord?  I think so often we forget that we’re spiritual beings having natural experiences and that in actuality, none of the things that the world says are valuable mean much of anything to the Lord.  He delights in our obedience and lavishes in our love.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.  For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. – Isaiah 55:8-9 (KJV)

So many people want to do what makes sense when in reality a lot of our blessings in obedience require us to take leaps and do things that don’t make sense and possibly make us look a little crazy at times.  People want to be and do what they think is great.  Instead of loving their neighbors, they’re coveting after their neighbors.  People want to be or do what looks and sounds good.  Instead of respecting a person, they’re respecting a title.  But we need to forget about those worldly things that don’t matter start finally chasing, or re-chasing those eternal things of true substance.

If then you have been raised with Christ [to a new life, thus sharing His resurrection from the dead], aim at and seek the [rich, eternal treasures] that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.  And set your minds and keep them set on what is above (the higher things), not on the things that are on the earth. – Colossians 3:1-2 (AMP)

be yourselfWe have to deepen our relationship with the Lord so that we can find our true identities through Him.  So that we’ll know who we are and in turn how to be.  So that when all in this world is stripped away, ha…not our identity.  I’m so sick of seeing a whole bunch of “turn up” copycats *rolls eyes*…have a seat already!

But yes, I was going to talk about my relationship with my mom…

Mother/Daughter relationships are so beautifully intricate.  So delicate like lace or something.  They go through ups and downs in milliseconds.  There’s battles between respect and assertion and assist and diversion.  So complex.  Figuratively speaking, I think the Lord definitely hand washes them cold and hangs them carefully to dry.

motherhood

Since my move back to the West Coast, I’ve really enjoyed the growth and transformation I’ve experienced in my relationship with my entire family, but my mother especially.  I believe every Mother/Daughter relationship suddenly hits this “Freaky Friday” growth point  where the daughter, now a mature, adult woman with her own life experiences, comes to this realization that her mom, who she for decades was thought of as this flawless, invincible superhero, is in actuality not *gasp*, in fact, she is just like her daughter who has become just like her mother, a mature, adult woman with her own life experiences.  This place of truth does something great (and rightfully so) and God does something greater as the relationship accepts and adapts to it accordingly.  We love and respect each other way more these days.  It’s so refreshing for me to see my superhero mom without her cape quoting Tamar Braxton saying things like, “You tried it!” and “Getcho life!” haha…oh goodness.  She’s truly my best friend.  I can’t wait to bless her with early retirement and a trip to Italy.

heartbeat

The other night I hugged her and rested on her chest for a good while; because I could.  When I did, I heard and felt her heartbeat, and it was like hearing an old, favorite song.  At that very moment a tear fell and I thanked God that my mom was alive and that I was too.  That we were here for this and the best is yet to come.  Now that, my friends is what I call Carpe diem.

Funk; Four Weddings & 5 Stages #Grief

Hey there lovas! I missed ya! It feels good to be back, writing, and doing what I love…sharing a little bit of me in hopes of connecting with even a few of you in some sort of way.  For the record, I’m still under construction, and will be for the rest of my life (S/O to my bff for that reminder haha).  That being said today is as good as tomorrow to talk about well, whatever.  Let’s do it. YOLO!! Lol.

As you know, I’m on the Westsiiiide…and I was in a major funk upon arrival (check the archive and see for yourself).  Since then, I’ve figuratively lit some candles, sprayed some air freshener and have molded my thizz face into a pretty darn good smile.

Lately the Lord has been really dealing with me about unrealistic expectations; a huge recipe for disappointment (that’s a separate blog in itself).  To keep a long story short, I’ve quickly learned that basically no one can be Jesus for me, but Jesus.  I’m imperfect and so is everybody else.  Jesus is the only one who can fill those voids that we all have and it’s unfair to expect anyone else to do His job.  Those voids are there by purpose for a purpose.

The greatest thing about this season is what the Lord has been showing me about myself. Stuff that I was truly unaware of and really disappointed and hard on myself about once learned.  Even though I was disappointed, He wasn’t, because He knows our hearts.  I was and am always striving to be a better me (a lifetime heart desire) and He was helping me do just that.  So, I repented and accepted His grace for the gajillionth time.  Sooo humbling yo!  I’m so appreciative and feel so loved when He corrects me.  He does it right.  Chastisement is definitely a good thing sometimes.

During this process of, let’s call it “dealership” ha…I happened to be watching this show on TLC called Four Weddings.  If you haven’t heard of it, it’s basically a competitive show where four brides attend each others’ weddings, rate them in categories, and the winning bride (and groom) enjoy a  honeymoon to a surprise destination.  One day I was watching it and one of the brides who lost spoke of her disappointment afterwards.  She casually yet honestly said something like, “There’s 5 stages of grief, right? I’d say I’m in the anger stage”. *gasp* That was it!  I googled it — 5 stages of grief:

1) Denial & Isolation
2) Anger
3) Bargaining
4) Depression
5) Acceptance

I was grieving.  Shoooot, I was grieving things I didn’t even know that I needed to grieve!  But, understanding these stages gave me hope and really drove me.  I could do something with my new found knowledge (Hosea 4:6) and about my temporary situation.  I could pray better, I could be better.  I was and am determined.  My armor had gotten oiled and I had some extra fuel for the fight. Y’all ain’t ready!!  haha

For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, says the Lord.” – Isaiah 55:8

I love how spontaneously the Holy Spirit ministers to God’s children and how there’s no defined or uniform way that he speaks and that we (individuals) in turn, hear.  Yes, even on the couch!  Try God.  Invite Him to sit next to you.  Like me, 4 Weddings & 5 stages can rescue you out of a funk. (you get me!).  Receive it.  Believe it.

He who has ears to hear, let him be listening and let him consider and perceive and comprehend by hearing. – Matt 11:15

Keep prayin’ for a sista!  Love Love Love you!

[Enter title here] #Transition

This morning I actually did cry out of frustration. Ay yi yi…enough with the ups and downs already! This is weird. I promise I’m not pregnant.

I’m realizing that some topics are sensitive for me and so, off limits with me or very limited in discussion and that’s depending on the person — geesh. I’m annoying myself! I’m introverted remember, so I’m pretty much telling you all of the stuff that isn’t bursting out! Besides that “Hell No!” from last week of course, ha. But yea…

I’ve been slowly unpacking boxes (not all of them), and my mom makes a chipper comment followed by a smile, “Uh oh, the boxes are shrinking down!” I was instantly annoyed. I know she’s happy, but I don’t wanna hear that. I am in no way thrilled that the boxes are shrinking down lol. In fact, I would love it if I didn’t have to open any of them so that when I get the green light to exit this casa I’m ready to go lol. On a lighter note, Ladybug has arrived and has made me smile. Maybe it’s ’cause it’s like a big mobile souvenir of a life I was proud and working great at prior to interruption. My dad drove it and said it drove great and could probably make it just fine driving across country. My eyes lit up. Don’t test me Paw!! haha. Anyway…

Besides the adjustment with that. I’ve been upset about a few things. I’m appalled that some things just have not changed. Things that are long overdue yo! Not in the city (the city has actually changed a lot – it’s what cities do), but some of the people, not so much. The ones that have, it’s so beautiful and makes me feel good about moving somewhere else (like they’ll be okay), but the ones that haven’t make me wanna vomit. I’m tired of the same ‘ol same ‘ol issues and behaviors. It’s like while I was gone and growing and changing, homie what the heck were you doing over here?! Moving and shaking so you wouldn’t have to think about what it is you know you needed to do?! Just going through the motions?? Are you gonna be the same way next year?! I’m hoping they were growing and changing in ways I hadn’t yet noticed. I’m hoping. It sure doesn’t seem like it though.

It makes me think of when Jesus said…

He who receives you receives me, and he who receives me receives the one who sent me. – Matt. 10:40

Maybe that’s why the Lord moved me to the east coast…some of the people here on the west (not all of them) weren’t receiving me (or all of me) and so the Lord saw it fit to move me to a place where they would. Where I was both needed and received and in the process multi-tasked and did some miracles of a work in me as well; typical. I’m just thinking. Maybe some of those west coast peeps are ready now and I’m better prepared to reach them in a way I couldn’t before. I’m kind of an outsider now. I don’t really feel like I belong, and I’m seeing some things that I didn’t see before. Who knows, but I know my God is a God of second and fifth chances, He’ll sometimes do and allow anything to happen to win a soul…and one is worth much, and well, He loves me.

JUST visiting. #Transition #Travel

Life is good. Better than it’s ever been and I can tell that it’s only the beginning. I’m growing and taking risks and doing things that I have never done.

I understand clearly that one cannot give what they do not have. I’m loving and embracing people who are for me and am grateful to be able to give more of me. By no means am I boasting (pssh! There’s nothing to boast about but Jesus, please!). I’m simply informing you that…

    I am a miracle.

I have never been able to love and give as much as I am. I’m beginning to live out my dreams. That’s it!

    I am beginning to live out my dreams.

Wow. God is amazing. Really and truly amazing. *tears*

Moving along…
I’ll be going “back home” to visit family soon. Yay!! I’m superrr excited (as are they)! Gosh, you have no idea how much I love and miss them! I’m excited to see everyone that I love and loves me back – and even maybe a few who don’t *shrugs shoulders*. I’m always most excited, I think, to see my little brother who outta nowhere has become my taller twin over the years. He’s a nice glass of water – like his sister 😉 Gosh, I remember praying and asking God for a brother. This very day I’m still just as grateful, if not more, that the Lord heard me and chose to give me my heart’s desires. Keep him Lord, and continue to help me be the sister he needs.

Despite all of the love and excitement, I can’t help but think about how I know that I’m not returning “home” as the same person and how really, as excited as I am to go, a part of me just wants to stay here and not leave this new life. I’m in the right field, ya know? I don’t want to risk stopping by a different field. I don’t want anything or anyone to even slightly get in the way of my journey. This is just what I’ve been thinking though. What I know is, I’m supposed to go. I will enjoy my time, and it, like everything else, will be ministry. All I really wanna do is plant a few more seeds, sprinkle a little more water, love and live.

I’m always singing (inside and out) and up until my move to the east coast I sang these 2 songs repeatedly:

“Beautiful” – India.Arie…

“Jesus Be A Fence” – Fred Hammond…

There’s really no reason for me to be afraid. I believe in the word of God. It is the truth, and all that it says, even when it makes no sense to my human mind, is beautifully correct and applicable.

    The Lord has not given me the spirit of fear, but of power, love and of a sound mind. – 2 Tim. 1:7

So I’m not gonna be afraid of accidentally moving backwards because I have already begun and am determined to press on moving forward and I can’t do both at the same time.

    I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate me from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. – Romans 8:38-39

Where He leads, I’ll follow. And that, ladies and gentlemen is exactly why I’m freezing my buns off on the east coast lol…

    tran·si·tion/tranˈziSHən/

Verb: Undergo or cause to undergo a process or period of transition.

Noun: The process or a period of changing from one state or condition to another.

Synonyms: passage – change – crossingThis transition has been true to itself to say the least and I believe it’s deeper than I thought. Like an elevator. I know I’m not in the basement, but I haven’t really hit the first floor. I may be in the lobby lol. Like I said, it’s only the beginning 🙂

    Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they that love it shall eat the fruit of it. – Proverbs 18:21

…so watch your mouth and try to throw good fruit in the atmosphere, please. It’s a shame to see people destroy their lives and others around them simply because they won’t shut up or think before they speak.

    I’m a strong believer in the power of words.

I’ve never been a “grey area” type of person, so to me that statement means, I believe in the power of all words said for any reason and I’m pretty positive that our enemy, the prince of the air, Satan has no respect for your intentions.

Utilizing my power, I say to my mind, body, spirit, and maybe even you…

    You will grow.
    You will live.
    You will dream.
    You will move forward.

When you go “home”, you will not get it twisted.
You will remember that you’re JUST visiting. 😉