When the Wound Re-opens #Poetry #Prayer #Healing

When the wound re-opens
It’s a time to heal
In a proper way
While being still

When the wound re-opens
We can’t ignore
The pain that aches
The heart that’s sore

When the wound re-opens
It’s our day
To choose to turn
Whichever way

And dig deeply
To the roots
And to the core
Dig deeper
Deeper
Deeper
MORE

When the wound re-opens
EXCAVATE
And may all we find
Be faced, making no escape

May our ashes turn
To beauty yearned
Filling us with joy
Over lessons learned

When the wound re-opens
Pray for humility
To submit unto
The Potter’s wheel
Pray that all that’s bad
Be chipped away
No matter how much it hurts
Or how much we squeal

When the wound re-opens
Hope for something new
That leaves us unrecognizable in the best of ways
To position ourselves for God’s wonderful plan
And bring Him glory all of our days

© 2017 • Chan’tel Nikole Grayson

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#DearHubby: A Love Letter to My Future Spouse 

On October 24, 2014, following an inspiring bible study on the topic of “The Unloved Woman”, I decided to write a letter to my unknown husband-to-be. I’ve gone back and forth on my decision to share it for the simple fact that it’s his letter and was originally intended for his eyes only. But, I gotta.  I guess this is what happens when your wife-to-be is a writer. Lord, bless him! Here’s what I wrote to my boo thang (giggles). I hope there’s another woman or man out there like myself who can relate to this post and finds it timely and refreshing.

Hey Dear,

I went to bible study tonight and returned home feeling both blessed and a mess! The speaker brought a word to us on “The Unloved Woman” and broke it down, identifying the why and this unloved woman’s characteristics. She said an unloved woman is dangerous because she is likely to cause harm. There are 6 types of this woman, and I identified with “the single woman never loved properly”. This woman says they don’t want or need things as a cover up. She doesn’t believe it’s genuine. Dang, that was me.

I received the word that FAITH HAS A VOICE. I realized that all of my “waiting” was due to a lack of faith. I’ve been saying I don’t want, what I do want. I’ve been nonchalant and complacent. The speaker has this ministry for single women. They (we) made baskets full of goodies for our husbands-to-be. Mine of course, is for you dear ☺. Before I let you dive in, I want you to know that I’m doing what’s necessary to get right, and tonight’s exposure was a great first step. God’s going to heal me for you. You’re worth my time and I am too.

So, I got a basket. Initially I got it because even though I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do this whole marriage thing again, something in me knew it was right. So by faith, I will feel so right by the time it is full. I’m praying for you and me individually and collectively. I love you so much and truly want the best for you, so…I gotta do my part.

I don’t want you to have a broken woman. We will not awaken our love until it is time. I feel it won’t be long…so I’m working hard by submitting to God, being honest, and allowing him to make me whole.

Dear God, Please do not let my husband suffer on account of me. May I never blaspheme your word! Finding me as his wife WILL be good for eternity. 

I don’t want to be easy to love for just a while, I want to be easy to love for life. I bind the spirit of complacency. I submit to the Holy Spirit and say, “have your way, God.”

Any who…love you.

xoxo,
yo ☺

Whoever you are, wherever you are, HOLD ON. #Encouragement

A couple of months ago I had a short interview with a close family friend who was writing a book on healing after painful experiences. He wanted to know how long it took for me to be healed and how I went about reaching that place of healing.  My response was something like this:

I can’t really put a number on it.  I’d love to think that I am 100% healed from x, y, and z, but the truth of the matter is, maybe just x and y…or honestly, maybe 80% of all three ha.  I don’t know.  Once you think you’re good, you undergo spontaneous triggers by something big or small…a month later…a year later…maybe even 3 years later (to each it’s own).

These triggers remind you, and may leave you disappointed or annoyed by the realization that dang, there’s still residue.  Dang.  There is still some healing, maybe even lots of healing left to be done.  In my experience, from one trigger to the next, disappointment came when I misunderstood what not being completely healed really meant.  I thought it was bad, but now I know that when you are willing to heal, the fact that you are not completely healed of something simply means that God isn’t done, not that we aren’t ready for ____________.  So, if you’re triggered by something that reminds you that you still need grace and humility, and reminds you that you’re still a human who needs God, then good!  We were created to need Him.  You are not delayed in meeting, reaching, or receiving what God has for you.  That my friend, is a lie from the enemy!

rootsOne must get uncomfortable enough to deal with the roots.  One must  get uncomfortable enough to allow God to dig beneath the messy surface where the beginning of your issues and pain lie.

In order to heal properly, you have to deal (with the pain) properly.” – Nu 

If you’re on the path to healing, then you know that you get those full circle, déjà vu, divine do-over moments when _____________________ happens again.  Except this time it doesn’t make you angry, it doesn’t make you cry, and it shockingly doesn’t affect you the way it has in the past.  You figuratively (or literally if you’re like me) leap in joy at the felt sense of accomplishment that you have finally, at last have been stamped by the Lord as “Healed!”.  Not!

I believe us earthlings (ha!) are never completely healed of any worldly ailments until we leave this world and enter into our true destination…Heaven.  Ahhh…The beautiful place of no pain, sorrow, or frustration…just love and fruits – my fave! 😉  We should know though, that while here on earth…

godlovesyou

“…neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” – Romans 8:38-39 (NIV)

I am convinced that healing is ongoing and not to be consistently associated with readiness for something new.  God is not a God that withholds good things from people who love and obey Him.

“For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.” – Psalm 84:11 (ESV)

Whoever you are, wherever you are, HOLD ON.  You may not be 100% healed from x, y, and z, I don’t know, but we should certainly celebrate the fact that we’re making progress.  My heart personally smiles when I understand me better than I did yesterday.  It gives me a better shot at understanding you.  By faith I am healed, today, tomorrow, and forever.  I am pleased with me and He, from whom my help comes…as should you.  So stay blessed, be encouraged, and HOLD ON!  Love you.

xo,
Nu

There is something about nighttime. #GoodMourning #Poetry #Grief #Sorrow

I’ve smiled every day since I remembered you were here
But then long after sunset
my eyes shed a tear

There is something about nighttime.

I’ve laughed many moments before the high tide of darkness arrived until, “Bam!”, the news…

was prescribed
I sighed
before I cried
and denied
then realized that…

There is something about nighttime.

I thought you were just dancing to the beat of a hip, fast song
But all this time, the lights were dim,
And I was totally wrong.

Man.

When I prayed for your fire
And I prayed for your faith,
I had no idea how much was at stake
Believe me when I say, I knew
not at all that…
ashes would await.

Gosh.

Lord, you said that joy cometh in the morning but for all of us, I am requesting an exception for tonight. Because…

There is something about nighttime.

©2013 • Chan’tel Nikole Grayson

Under Construction #Hiatus

 

When things are under construction, it’s sometimes hard to picture the finished product and you have to constantly remind yourself of the vision and re-visit the blueprints.  That’s where I am.  Building, revisiting, building, dusting of my safety glasses, building some more…you get my drift.  As you know, I’ve been experiencing and going through a lot in a short amount of time (relationally, emotionally, and spiritually).  It’s crazy yo!  It’s all coming at me at once and seemingly out of nowhere.  A jack-in-a-box effect.  I’m tired in many areas and of many things.  I just need to rest…let go, and let God.  And blogging may not be the best option this round.

Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls.] Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me, for I am gentle (meek) and humble (lowly) in heart, and you will find rest (relief and ease and refreshment and recreation and blessed quiet) for your souls. For My yoke is wholesome (useful, good—not harsh, hard, sharp, or pressing, but comfortable, gracious, and pleasant), and My burden is light and easy to be borne. – Matt. 11:28-30

That being said, I’m taking a break. Gone fishing.  Nu is under construction.  This is good.  If you follow and support, please keep following and supporting.  If you pray, pretty please keep praying and stay tuned for what’s next whenever it’s next.  Love you!

Hell No! #Respect #Boldness #Profanity

It’s nearly 4:45 p.m. (PST) and I’m waiting for my car to ship between the hours of 1-4 p.m. …ha! I know -__-

Any way…

I just popped in to tell you that I’m surprising myself lately.  I’m bolder, more assertive.  It’s like it was always in me but something about this move is making it finally rise to the surface.  I can dig it.  I can dig it, forever.  Let me give you an example…

The other day I asked to borrow my mom’s car…she let me and as I was heading out the door and saying “see ya later” to everyone, my dad jokingly asked, “Well, aren’t you gonna ask me if you can go somewhere?” I laughed and jokingly belted out a “Hell No!”.  Hahahaha…I’m laughing all over again as I re-tell the story.   It’s funny for a couple of reasons.  1) It was awkwardly uncalled for (I ended up telling a story afterwards in attempt to make it less awkward before heading out LOL..ay yi yi) and 2) Because if you know me, I’m not really one to curse and so when I do it’s usually hilarious or shocking…I’d have to categorize this as weird.

The thing is, I know, and someone else in the room could have very well recognized that that statement came from somewhere deep within.  I wasn’t trying to be disrespectful (and they know me well enough to know that), but…it kinda was.  I don’t care how old I get, when my dad or any elder asks me something, I do not plan on responding “Hell No!” lol.  Nonetheless, I am indeed grateful for that moment.  It feels good to be me.  It feels good to say no, and well, “Hell No!” It weaseled in and set a tone like no other.  I am really feelin’ this gift of holy boldness and I’m certain that I’m gonna need this me for the path that I’m on. Give me a couple of months, and I’ll have it all balanced and under control.

Continue to lift me up!  Until then, I might just yell “Hell No!” to a checker asking me if I’d like paper or plastic simply because I can and don’t want either one.  Oh wait, they only ask that in Virginia :(..waaah!

Just kidding 🙂 (about the crying part)

 

It Is Well.

Good morning loves!

This is the day the Lord has made;
We will rejoice and be glad in it. – Psalm 118:24

So lately I’ve been reflecting (surprise, surprise, surprise! – in my Gomer Pyle voice) and really just thankful and well, happy. I can honestly say that I am the happiest that I have ever been. It is a miracle, really. If you only knew! I was talking about this with my best friend the other day and we are just totally amazed. She was sharing how she threw away a picture of me from a while back because it wasn’t a good memory. When the photo was taken I was in a bad place. Not at my worst quite yet, but in a bad season in my life. As we were talking, I could visualize God smiling at His children boasting about His greatness. I praise God that “It is well” and I now have pictures that show that.

      Hallelujah! I worship you, Oh God for all you do! You are magnificent in all of Your ways. You’re an awesome wonder and in You forever will I put my trust for You are a faithful and just God…Hallelujah! If You choose to do no more You honestly and truly have done enough. You are a healer and deliverer. I thank You for making me whole…I thank You for making me new, I thank You for seeing about me and not forgetting Lord *tears*…

Thank You so much for not forgetting about me.

I hit a rough patch where I had a little internal tug of war (and I’m not done hitting them ha) that is difficult for me to explain, but I came out victorious thanks to prayer (if you prayed, thank you!). I had some decisions I needed to make, I had to stop pouting, lay my will down (which I thought I had), and choose to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit and trust that God knows what He’s doing and that even when some things don’t make sense, they do to Him. A lot of great things are going on and in the works for my life now…that quickly. When we choose His way, we open up the door to blessing. Blessing always follows obedience. While I’m happy about the opportunities, people, and wonderful things going on that make me smile, I do not attribute this joy to anyone except The One who is worthy…My God the Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit. But I do thank you all who have allowed yourselves to be used to bless my life in all sorts of way that you may be unaware of. I feel, pure, raw, unadulterated love and joy that only cometh from the Lord. I’m grateful that the Lord is patient, loving, and not a respecter of persons because I certainly fall short and require much grace at times.

I encourage you today. I encourage me today. Whatever you’re going through, big or small…do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. – Matthew 6:34 May the Lord help us with today. Today is still the day that the Lord has made and when you choose to rejoice in it despite whatever is going on in heart, mind, and in the natural. Despite however people are acting around you…you excel in strength. You wage spiritual war even when you feel defeated. You win.

Be Encouraged. Have a blessed day!