Awakening Love

As I lay face up on the massage table, my personable and talkative masseuse chatted away about life, love and relationships. She was comfortable, giddy, and in need of conversation. Most of her clients had canceled for the day due to the weather and cabin fever was becoming.

After ranting for some time, she paused and must have realized that she’d shared so much about her and had gathered very little about me. I’m mostly okay with that.

I knew it was coming; it always does. It was my turn to share something of the subject. She asked, “So, do you have a husband or are you married?” Not sure what the difference was, but I felt something like the Samaritan woman at the well. Just kidding. Like a broken record on repeat, I casually responded, “no, not yet”. This seemed to thrust her towards the next question, “Well, do you have a boyfriend?” I casually responded again with a “no, not yet”. We both chuckled. I’ve done this many times before.

I asked her how she met her boyfriend and she embarrassingly shared how she bumped into him randomly at a store. I want to say it was Home Depot. They shared the aisle and she thought he was cute, so she asked for his input on 2 products she was trying to decide between. Smart girl. That was the beginning. A cute, and organic beginning.

I told her (and discovered simultaneously) that that is my fear. Though I say I would love for a romantic relationship to happen organically, it actually happening or almost happening frightens me. I get so awkward. I told her, I go into stores, see guys looking at me and think to myself…”please don’t look at me, I’m just here for celery.” I need to get out of my own way, but I just don’t know how to. This “leave me alone” sticker must be glued on. Anybody have some Goo Gone? Excuse me while I run to Home Depot, ha!

Maybe that’s an odd issue, and some would judge that it is an issue at all. Not wanting to be approached or addressed by attractive men?! Ridiculous? Maybe. I mean, I feel beautiful inside and out. But hear me out. I realized that fear of being approached was actually masked by this fear…

In my past romantic relationships, I have allowed men to lead me astray from my first love (God); we were unequally yoked. If there was a book about the history of me, you would see a trend of me choosing wolves in sheep’s clothing and constantly being preyed upon and deceived. Ugh. Over it.

He goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger’s voice. – John 10:4‭b-‬5 (NIV)

Scarcely had I passed them when I found the one my heart loves. I held him and would not let him go… – Song of Songs 3:4a (NIV)

You have no idea what a safe exhale of relief that second scripture is for me. It is true of my First Love, and a hopeful testimony of my second. Inserts heart eyes emoji.

Okay, that’s it. Instead of being continually anxious about this whole meeting my heart’s desire thing, I need to just address it in prayer right now. If that’s you too, then let us pray.

Lord, forgive me for being fearful. Help me to trust the authenticity of my relationship with you, check for the fruit of your spirit in others, and heed Your God-given discernment. I know that fear and love cannot live together, so I kick fear out and welcome love in Your timing. Continue to prepare me to be the woman you have destined me to be on earth as it is in heaven, bringing glory to Your great name. May I be a sheep that heeds Your voice only; undistracted by the calls of a stranger. May Thy kingdom come, and Your will be done. In the name of Yeshua, my Savior. Amen.

That’s it. That’s all.

©2019 • Chan’tel Nikole Grayson

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New Jacket. New Season!

Throughout my waiting for God’s move in different areas of life, I have learned that patience is a posture. We cannot be both trusting of God and stressed. Faith is not anxious and worried about tomorrow, and like Father Abraham, we are counted as righteous because of our belief.

A few months back, and on a whim, I decided to accompany my parents to the mall. This is unusual because for the most part, I have primarily been an online and essentials only type of shopper…with the exception of Targét, of course. We always got time for that!

Any way, I was down for the mall excursion and figured, eh, maybe I’ll find a jacket today. I had had a lightweight, casual and semi-neutral colored jacket on my mental wish list for a while now. Years, actually.

We went to Burlington with high hopes, and I went straight to the women’s medium jacket section and began browsing. I tried on a few jackets without a mirror, until I found a jacket worthy of a search for one nearby. Since the mirror closest to me was occupied by another lady, I walked quite a ways off from my starting point (towards the large section) to scope out the fit; it was a nice jacket indeed.

However, in the corner of my right eye, adjacent to the mirror serving me at the time, I saw an abandoned reject of another’s hanging limply on the rack off-the-hanger. It was a displaced olive gem, that ironically looked like my size.

My eyes lit up. With excitement, I took off the jacket I had on, and put on the green one. I knew immediately…it was it! That quickly, I had found the jacket that I had been desiring and patiently waiting for, for years. Wow!

Firstly, I wasn’t even shopping over there in that section. I began in a familiar section. I had to move far from the location of the old one to get closer to the new one that was for me. Hello somebody!

Secondly, the jacket was a size that I would not usually select to try on, let alone, purchase! There was no way I would have even stumbled upon it without the divine mirror hunt.

Thirdly, it fit exactly how I wanted it to and was priced reasonably! It was for me. I could cry at how God was using this jacket to minister to me, and how sweet of Him to not forget the little things and my aged petitions.

I believe God placed this message in my heart to share:

More of that is coming! Not just for me, but for many of you as well. God is going to bless you with something that you have been waiting for, for a very long time. He’s going to do it easily and suddenly. It is going to be easy, because it is time. It didn’t work out before because it was early. But God is on.point, like my new jacket (😉🙌🏽). I am grateful. Everything is going to fit because it is made for you. It is going to be larger than what you are used to, but you will fit into it, and you will wear it well. It is yours; a gift from your Heavenly Father. The old will not do in this season.

Praise Him in advance. Hallelujah!

©2019 • Chan’tel Nikole Grayson