Somewhat of An Ode

I know you can’t stand forever
But before your demise
Here’s somewhat of an ode
To last a lifetime

In my heart there will always be memories of you, me, and the seas
The sand between my toes
Unbeknownst
Hiding evil mysteries

I know you can’t stand forever
Because the good book says you won’t
And the God you said you served
Is the God who assures you don’t

I read He put your soothsayers to shame
Don’t act surprised, you had it coming
Found out it truly wasn’t a game
And for your pain, there was no numbing

Tick Tock, Tick Tock
My God will not be mocked

It’s only a matter of time
before your tides run dry
The salt can’t soothe your wounds
The water can’t caress your lie

Confession:
I sing your anthem well
with nostalgia and grief
but for the vets, not the nation
For in you, I’ve lost belief

Why is that song so beautiful?!
Was it all part of your plot?
Did you give us something mesmerizing
To disguise our land in rot?

I pray for grace, ’cause I’m still here
But I’m telling you now, we’re done
I’m not calling this place my home
I’m from heaven, like The Son

No more relaxing by the shore
Pretending well is what you’re doin’
No more looking to you for justice
Just praying…and waiting on your ruin

Tick Tock, Tick Tock
My God will not be mocked

©2018 • Chan’tel Nikole Grayson

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Lost Files: Petty Theft

I recently found an old memo that I wrote in my kindle that I thought I’d share with you all. It’s about an experience that I had in June 2016 testing my integrity and well, my identity in Christ, to be honest. Though some aspects of this little note may seem too silly to mention, I really hope it ministers to someone struggling with integrity. Integrity is one of the many marks of a child of God, and it’s such a beautiful root of trust that intertwines with the motivations of our heart.

I can’t remember if I actually published this note in my book, Before You Soar. It may be a “lost file” or an excerpt. Either way, I’ll just keep it rough and copy and paste it below “as is”, and hope you’re blessed and encouraged.

A testimony of faith.
The Lord’s refinement.
Embracing the process.
In the valley.
In the fire.
Through the storm.
New creation.

Deliverance.

Job. Loss of friends.

June 11, 2016 – morning

I understand how or why people who have little or none steal to meet their need. I’ve been tested to justify breaking of the 8th commandment on several occasions during this season, especially since I’ve been living in this house unfairly compensated. I’m talking petty thefts like a few q-tips and little body wash to just stay clean in this heat. Coincidentally it’s the same brand I use. Satan is good at what he does. My soap is in a container broken into little pieces and I dare not throw it away. I used a few q-tips and felt convicted, so recently I purchased some to refill their package before I move out. They’ll never know, but me and God will always. I can’t be trusted with much if I’m unfaithful with little. If “it’s just a q-tip”, then I just need to leave it alone. It doesn’t belong to me and it isn’t part of my living arrangement agreement. She is to provide food only, and I’m grateful she finally stepped up to the plate on that one. I don’t want to do to her what she was doing to me.

©2018 • Chan’tel Nikole Grayson

When All Feels Wrong

When all feels wrong
Yet God is pleased
Hold on
Hold on

When cracks expand to pot holes
And threads part seams
Hold on
Hold on

When smiles twist and turn
Upside down
When hearts plummet you 6 feet
Underground
When the jury is hung
When only you’re around
Hold on
Hold on

When all feels wrong
Yet God is pleased

Let us remember, the
lions’ den and their mouths that shut, the
praise that broke the bars at midnight, the
faith that slew the arrogant Philistine, the
crucifixion that split the temple curtain in two, the
girl who was “only asleep”

Thank God for, the
Red Sea that parted, the
cloud that rose above the tent, the
virgin who conceived a King, the
grace and unconditional love that leads us to repent

Oh God, Let us not forget
Until we hear
Well done
Well done

I will praise you, Lord , with all my heart; I will tell of all the marvelous things you have done. I will be filled with joy because of you. I will sing praises to your name, O Most High. – Psalms 9:1‭-‬2 (NLT)

©2018 • Chan’tel Nikole Grayson

Grief + Healing

My dear aunt passed away a few months ago. I did not attend her funeral, but the Lord knows, as does she, I was present when it mattered.

Since then, I’ve been grieving. More importantly, I’ve been honest with God about my grief and have trusted Him with it’s appropriation. I’ve had days of super strength, days of stoic numbness, a few sudden with tears, and some with spurts of laughter. Today was laughter and tears. All days, gratefully, I’ve had peace.

Just this morning I met a lady that looked like my aunt did in her younger years. Man, it was so good to see her. She was listening to an audio book (something my aunt would be doing) and she had a lot of bags, and a lot of things in those bags (something like my aunt) lol. I chuckled to myself, teared up, and thanked God for the spurt of laughter. This is grief…coupled with healing.

I think it’s so important for us to not just stay stuck with our grief, but to also marry it with healing found purely in God, The Father. We can move past it properly this way. Do you know that it’s okay to move past it? Have you granted yourself permission?

For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven…a time to cry and a time to dance. – Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

Now if it’s your season to cry buckets, I get it. By all means cry on without remorse! But if you know deep down in your heart, that you should have been dancing a long time ago, this is your opportunity to cast your care for real, for real…or again any way. Guilt is NOT from God. Never feel guilty for God’s favor. Feel GRATEFUL!

1 Peter 5:7 says: “Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares for you.” Do you believe that?! So that means, yes, even though He allowed your loss to occur, God cares for YOU!! Is scripture going to be your foundation or are you going to believe a lie? The choice is yours.

Let’s not just carry this weight of grief. Let’s feel it in all of it’s gory, sometimes seemingly unreasonable pain and injustice. Ugh. Let’s release it unto God and release each other to process it in ways unique to ourselves.

Let’s give the devil a black eye and an eviction notice, telling him HE CAN’T RUIN OUR LIVES by causing us to tighten our grip in seasons we should be loosening it.

Let’s also pray for appropriation in our grief, so that it is not displaced; turning into bitterness, addiction, and who knows what else. Let’s not let it begin squatting on our hearts; extending past it’s seasonal expiration.

God wants you joyous! That’s one of the fruits of His spirit! And I would personally hate to see you skip past your happy season, because you’re holding on too long to the sad one. You know what I mean? I know you do.

Well, that’s all I really wanted to say. I don’t have a fancy punny ending or anything like that for this post. Oh! I did see an Instagram post by another person who was grieving. They suggested writing a letter to a loved one and releasing it in a balloon. I thought that was a pretty neat idea, and I think that will help me in my process. God-willing, we’ll do it, as writing was something special my aunt and I shared together. A letter seems swell.

In the meantime, pray for me while I pray for you. Enjoy this short clip of my aunt (Author and Speaker, Andrea Grayson) sharing her testimony at a Women’s Conference in San Diego a couple of years ago. Love her and you so much.

“You Can’t Fall Off The Floor”

Circa 2016. It was my first and last conversation with Uncle Mac. My mother and I visited him on a whim while in route to Oklahoma City. Murietta was an itty bitty ‘ol thing; home to a witty gentleman, frail in frame but strong in heart. He was my Grandad’s brother, and so, my Great Uncle. I didn’t know much about him other than what he shared during our visit. He was a proud owner of a small prepaid flip phone from Family Dollar and an owner of a driver’s license, though his vision was blurred.

A few turns off the exit and we’d arrived and nearly seen it all. As we sat on his sofa, my mother engaged mostly, and I spoke in occasional smiles and gestures. I can’t remember if I said much about myself, or gave any inclination that I was going through a difficult time, which I was. At Uncle Mac’s age, he had to be familiar with a difficult time or two. His little seed hit my heart so powerfully and has been growing ever since.

“You can’t fall off the floor.” – Uncle Mac

Uncle Mac didn’t know that God was all I had in this season. He didn’t know that I’d hit rock bottom. Or did he? Though my hope for a comeback seemed far off in the distance, his words filled my heart with instant joy and I belted laughter at the simplicity of that truth. He was so right. It was only up from here!

So be encouraged by him and myself. I’m certainly not at the top, but I can tell you I haven’t fell lower than the floor! Lol. I don’t care how low you are in this moment, or how low you feel you are. Count it ALL joy! I wrote this for you.

You or someone you know might be on the floor of life right now, but I’m here to remind you that victory is guaranteed for those who believe that Christ won and conquered whatever you’re facing indefinitely on the cross.

Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of ANY kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. – James 1:2 (NLT)

I also wrote this post for him (God rest His soul!), and as a reminder to all of those who think they don’t have much to say or think their words don’t hold much weight. You do and they do! I wrote this for the person who occasionally doubts whether being who they are in this demanding world is enough. It totally is! I wrote this for all of you, and for me too.

Be blessed. See you at the top!

Called By Name #Identity #Wholeness #Certainty

My nephew Zion turned one years old last month, and man did that come quick! I feel like it wasn’t too long ago that I was rushing to Paris to fall in love with him. (Click here to read that story).

One of my favorite things to do in this season his life, is watch his development. I get a kick out of observing him try new things and discover so much for the first time. I see him fearlessly maneuver and attempt to figure out ways of doing. I see him formulating likes, and even testing his limits. He listens and studies our eyes and lips when we speak. He deciphers and identifies words that we say, associating them with things and people that we address. I love to see this!, and it’s a precious reminder of how we all should be with our own Abba, Father.

You know what I really love, though??? His response to his name! It amazes me how powerful names and labels are, and how they can become ingrained in an individual before they even make it earth-side! At just one years old, Zion knows that he is Zion, he knows that he is “Auntie’s baby”, that he is G-Mama’s “buddy”, that he’s his mama’s “little man”, and that he is “so cuuute!”, and incredibly loved. He knows and he doesn’t for a second answer by what he doesn’t know. I can only imagine how hard his development would be if he didn’t know his name. How strange it would be if when we called his name he never turned his head in acknowledgement.

“I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you…” – Jeremiah 1:5 (NLT)

So I encourage you all today to open your bibles and discover your identity (like a child). I encourage you all to forgive whoever called you something that you’re not. Remove the debt and harsh labels (Matt. 6:12) and clothe yourself with the truth! How strange it is for us to not know who we are when our source (The word of God) and Resource (God himself!) is so easily accesible to us.

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. – Psalms 139:13‭-‬14 (NLT)

Start fresh. Rule out any and everything that you’ve heard before, and declare in our heart right now, and adopt in your mind, right now, that our heavenly Father and Creator is the only One who is right! Let God be true and every man a liar! (Romans 3:4). Zion doesn’t rely on his own understanding, He trusts that what we are teaching him is what is right, as we should also trust God. (Proverbs 3:5)

I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn’t receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it.” – Luke 18:17 NLT

When we know who and whose we are, the enemy’s foothold is loosened. The truth exposes lies and causes veils to fall. It grants sight to the blind. No more feeling our way through the darkness and crossing our fingers in hopes that we’re on the right path.

It’s time for certainty in identity! No more flip flopping doubts, embarrassment and pride about who we are! No more masks and weird phases, no turbulent cycles and emotional roller coasters. NO. MORE!!

“But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light. ‘Once you had no identity as a people; now you are God’s people. Once you received no mercy; now you have received God’s mercy.’” – 1 Peter 2:9‭-‬10 NLT

Stretch Marks On My Heart #Poetry #Love #Song

Don’t need no cocoa butter for this
I don’t want to cover it
Let it shine, let it show
Supernatural glow fo’ sho

I got stretch marks on my heart
Too many names to list why
But the best of the best is God
Yea with him, I’m supafly

These cheesy rhymes are dear to me
Though they don’t reflect my depth
They mirror that childlike spirit
Hands in the air, step by step

Smile so wide
Sway to the beat
Leave my hair wild
Move those feet

‘Cause I got stretch marks on my heart
I’m happy, I’m free
Too many names to list why
But yo, thanks for loving me

©2018 • Chan’tel Nikole Grayson