Not Okay. #Transition

I’m not okay.

I’m on day 2 of my obedient move back to the west coast and I don’t want to be here. You’d think I’d be all cried out by now, but nope…not just yet 😥 Gosh. I’m struggling big time with this and I’m in need of some serious healing (and prayer please). I’m upset, heartbroken, and my will is bruised. Don’t get me wrong, I love love love all of my family and friends here. Everyone’s very happy to see me and have me back. It’s good to see them too. I just want to visit that’s all…I don’t want to stay. Arggh…why am I here?! I just want to be left alone. I feel miserable and I don’t want company (ha). Just being honest.

This is not okay, God. I am not okay! This is your will, so you gotta help me be at peace with all of this. I’m not. Please fix this or me…I’m good with either one.

I have so many thoughts…hopes…questions…a whole lotta …”but you said..” and “you showed me, so…” *sigh*. I feel like for whatever purpose the Lord has me here (on assignment, for growth, healing, all of the above, or whatever)  I just need to hurry up, jump on board and get it over with so I can get back to my happy place wherever the heck that is! (It should be anywhere…smh). All that must sound so horrible, I know. Maybe not the best attitude either, but it’s the truth and that I believe is always okay. I feel how I feel *shrugs shoulders*.

Today a friend on facebook shared that…

“Everyday may not be a good day, but there’s good in every day.”

Praise God for that! So I’m determined to find the good in every day and rejoice in it.

This was good about my day today:

I woke up. I had a wonderful breakfast. The weather was absolutely gorgeous. I relaxed with a close friend at the marina. I was comforted by someone I use to comfort (and somehow it was sweeter for that very reason). I made a friend smile on her birthday. I saved $2 at the store (lol). Someone bought me lunch. I saw some of the harvest from seeds I had sown long ago and forgotten about – amazing!

After writing that, I feel kind of silly complaining and focusing on the bad (some of you are probably thinking…”As you should!”). Dag, I’m blessed. But when we go through situations they seem to be magnified and cloud out other things going on.

There was tons of good in today. I’m still not okay (but I trust I will be). I’m just glad that the good in tomorrow is definite.

“I will recount the steadfastness love of the Lord, the praise of the Lord, according to all that the Lord has granted us…” – Isaiah 63:7 (ESV)

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Not Okay. #Transition

  1. Nu, I think it is perfectly okay for you to feel that way. You are going through a transition in your life. That means you are trusting the unknown. That is scary. You’ve been thrust out of your comfort zone. The little bird has been pushed from the nest. And until we figure out how to fly, the fall downward is frightening. Flap your wings little bird, because you are about to soar! Don’t fear what God has for You. He will only take you on paths that lead to his ultimate goal for you. Be encouraged! Thrust the car gear into trust, and move forward. Blessings to you Nu!

    Like

    • Thank you so much…your encouragement is greatly appreciated. God bless you! I also think I may have a “Lot” of my own that is making this transition harder for me. Do you mind if I write about it?

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s