My Own Place.

For the longest I’ve wanted my own place… A place to call my own.  No roommate, just me.  My own kitchen to clean up or dirty up, to cook up everything or nothing at all and try out all of The Divine Hostess’ fabulous recipes hehe.  A place to entertain loved ones and make them feel at home away from home.  A place to blast music and dance naked (yea, I said it) and bring sexy back like no tomorrow.  Or really…just a cozy blessed environment for your achy breaky heart.  Come over for a hug, a laugh, a movie, a chat, a meal, prayer…but call first (lol).  My very own place that I earned, I paid for, and I’m proud of…even if there is nothing in it.

Until recently (last year) the Lord finally gave me revelation that wherever I go, He will make sure that I always have my own place. Yes!  I was happy.  But then I started thinking wait, what does that mean??  haha.

For the longest I’ve wanted my own place… but to be perfectly honest, I don’t think the Lord ever wants me to live alone. Ha…I think He knows I’d like it too much.  I’d get comfortable and use to things being my way and when the time came to share a space with someone else, a spouse perhaps, I might not be as successful as I’d like in compromising and changing my bachelorette mentality.  He wants me around people.  While I love people, I do love my alone time and I get quite antsy when I’m deprived of it. I’m a thinker and pray-er for goodness sake!  I like to read, write, listen, meditate and often in pure silence.  I need that sanctuary.

Any way…I still don’t have my own place and in fact, after much prayer and going back and forth with the Lord, I have surrendered to His plan for me in many different ways lately, the most recent being to move back to the West Coast with my family (not in my own place) for such a time as this.  I feel like I’m just returning to headquarters or the corporate office for a bit to recharge before my next “earth camp adventure” (as one of my spiritual mothers calls it).  Don’t ask me where, I have no idea.  But, I’m open and I’ll keep ya posted.

This is ministry. My ministry.

The hardest thing about this type of ministry or missionary work is leaving.  As soon we get comfortable and our “work is done”, the Lord moves us *tears*.  As soon as we meet people that we want to be in our lives forever *tears* He takes them or us away. It hurts so badly. It’s like jerking people apart in mid-hug.  I wasn’t ready for it this time.  I wasn’t ready for it.  It’s hard to give answers to questions that you don’t have the answers to yourself.  Then to top it off, the enemy tries to harass you with lies and guilt and make you feel bad about following God’s will and reminds you of all the people you’re hurting in choosing this way.  He knows your gifts too and jumps at the opportunity to capitalize on them.  But, whatever.  I’m choosing God’s way and my mind is made up.  Can you see the struggle though? *shrugs shoulders* That’s where I am.

In the spirit realm, when we down here don’t release someone in our hearts, when we don’t free them or support them in doing what God wants to do in their lives, a struggle can arise. The flow of The Holy Spirit is interrupted for justifiably selfish reasons and things don’t sail as smooth. We move forward with an easy pass but still have to stop and pay tolls. We move forward with a rock stuck in our skates. We move forward wearing heavy snow boots in no snow. Just help us out; release us.

I feel myself wanting to ramble, so I’m gonna be wise and wrap it up.

I just hope and pray that the Lord would at least allow my distance to not disconnect.  That the love I’ve found in all of these relationships will remain mutual, and that we can always be a positive something that looks forward to catching up, swapping stories, and seeing each other again.

So in obedience…I count down the days.

I very much believe that Father knows best so forever I will roll with and agree with His perspective.  For now, “I’m okay” awaiting to be “great”….and I still want my own place LOL. Just being honest.

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